Ochena shur..

Ochena shur..

Aj er nam "Ochena shur" dilam. Karon je shur shunchi nijer majhe take chini na ami aj. Dekte dekte 1.5 ta bochor perie gelo. Ar it's over a year since i came to this place.Not golpo my new home. Janio na ki vhabe shomoe gulo perie jae..

Accha...! keu ki bolte parbe amake kota kotha??? Jiboner shob rong ar chobi gulo ke to0 bedhe rakte pari photograph er majhe. Kintu emon ki kono jadur celluloids er khoj amake dite parbe jate kore ami atke rakte parbo amar shiti ar onuvhuti guloke akshathe . Ar onek bochor pore jekhon moner ojantei niye boshbo oguloke.. protita muhurto ke jeno notun kore feel korte parbi.. hok na shuk ba dukkhor kono sriti. Koste chok die jodi ojhor dhara porte thake too poruk na kichu khoner jonno tokhon..

Jano ami onekdin holo kadi na. Shesh bare kobe kedechilam ta amar sposto mone ache kintu koto agee ta mone nei. Dukkho gulo ke ami koto bar vhule jete chai kintu patri na. Scar rekhe cholo jae. Ar tar dike takie jokhon mone korar cheshta kori kene oi dagg amar shorire.. Shriti tokhon amake boka banie boshe. Karon shob kostu guloke shamne ene bole ..
"Beche beche Dekho na keno??? Kenta tomake ei aghat dieche.." Ei bole hashte thake...Kosto nie to onek bole fellam. Eto kichu je kivhabe berie ashe ta nijeo jani na.. Ekta symphony shunchi onek khon dhore.. Shudhu piano...

I know this will not remain forever..however it's beautiful..
Your eyes,hands and you warm smile, they're my treasure..
It's hard to forget.I wish there's a solution,don't spend your time in confusion.
I will turn back now and spread...

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind...

Amar vhaga pakha.. Kotodur niye jabe.. Jani na.Kintu shopne chole jete chai onekdur.. Shoar theke dure.. Shobkichu theke dure. Jekhane amake keu chene na..Ochena keta jogot. Amake pore thakte hobe na kono mukhosh shekhane.. Tobe ki ekhon ami kono mukhosh pore achi. ami jani na. Keu amake bole dao.. Plzzz..

monta hothat kori kharap hoye gelo... aj thak ar ek din bolbo amar kotha..

"Bristi Balok"..

Kal amar dinta khub vhota ekta koster maje kete gese. Thik jeno kono kichu buke bidhe ache kintu ek fotao rokto berucchue na...Obak bepar...

Goto porshu rate amar ek friend er shathe amar jogra hoeche. Amar kono dosh chilo na. Kintu shee obolilae baki 5 joner dosh gulo amar upor die dilo. Goto 5 bochore oo amake etotuku chinte parlo??? Vhable hashi pae. Apuni amar shob kotha shune shudhu ekta kothai bollo... "Tora bolish, tora close friends. Kothata moteo sotto na. Shudu nijer proyojone tora ekshathe achis" . Sotti ki tai? Ami jani shob kichur pechone khino ekta shartho thekei jae. Kintu.. Tar maje je ektu shoddhabodh thakbe na taa ami ki kokhono kolpona korechilam.. Oder vhul gulu koto bar heshe urie diechi. amar na kora ekta vhulke amar bole oo amake eto niche namie dilo..

Kotha gulo bolte chaina. Kintu moner maje jokon jomte thake tokhon ar pere otha jae na. Tai Bolchi. 7 joner maje ami shober sheshe add hoyechi. Ora age amar friend chilo kintu oto kacher na. Close howar por tai vhabtam shomoe dei,shob thik hoye jabe.. Kitu kono ek odvhut karone shobar maje amar namtai sheshe asto...Kichu bolini. But ekhon amar kichu bola uchit..I'm not that kinda person who just crawl around and beg for forgiveness. I dowanna be there foe. But once i proved myself in front of them and again i can do that. I am just who i am.. and i am not ashamed of it..

Kalke ordhek din evhabei kete gelo. Tarpor hothat mone porlo je amar ek cousin desher baire chole jacche. Or bashae gelam. Kichu kotha holo. Picchi taake khub boke die aslam jate amake vhule na jae.. Berie elam okhan theke. Kosto gulo tokhono moner maje jhor tulche. Ar baire akash ta tokhono meghla hoye ache. Bikeler japsha aloe hate thaki. Puro ZIA UDDAN ta hete perulam. Kokhon ej mirpur road e chole aslam jani na. Amar protikkhae chilo bristi. Kintu bristi aschena. Monta aro kahrap hoe gelo. Amar moner motoi shara akash mukh gomra kore ache. Rikshae ute bostei bristi elo.. Oshomvhob rokom bristi.. Vhije vhijte jacchi ar rikshawala shudhu hasche.. Onek shomoe pore ektu haslam. Jodi bristi ta amar kosto dhue niye jae....

Shedin amar ek friend amar ekta nam diyeche... "Bristi Balok".. bristi balok ami..

Oshor shomaoe..

Ek ek kore je kivhabe 19 ta din chole gelo tar kono dharonai nei. Matro shedin mash ta perolo. Ar ajke gunchi shesh hobar shomoe.. Sotti ki kore je din gulo kete jacche jana nei.. Obak lage...

Aj written exam shes holo. Viva baki.. Er majei friends niye ektu adda, ektu ghure asha.. addar maje kauke ragie dile rag vhagano.. ar proti rate gumobar agee kichu notun sriti niye shopner khoj kora. Evhabei chole jacche.. Shadharonoto mon khub kharap thakle likte boshi. Aj otota kharap na.. thik explain korte parbona. Onno rokom vhota ekta kosto.. tar shathe ek rash purnota.. Kisher purnota jante chaile bolbo.. Ei je din gulo kete jacche tar..

Likte icche hole nijer mon ta ke kolomer maje niye ashi.. tokon ja icche hoe.. ja kichu vhabte thaki kivhabe jeno shob kichu sahda kalo rong er maje badha pore.. Ar ta jokhon onek onek din por dekhi tokhon nijer ojantei heshe feli.. Boli eto silly chilam...

Thik tokhoni boro ekta shotto eshe dhakka dey.. Bujte pari kototuku bodle giyechi.. Na kono koto nei tate.. I'm just who i am.. I want to be that way.. Long ago i told u some thing.. "It's like a fine wain".. Yes, I will try to get mature. But in time.. I will..

It takes only a little rain..

I love this city.. u all know that..

I came from the med early today. with three of my friends. We have our launch in my place. And reshad and jishan left. Aupi stayed with me for some time. We had a lot of time to talk. And we did. bout our past our future.. and all the things in our mind, Aupi lost his father. It was like 2 month. ANd where was the sorrow.. We learn to deal with it. yes we do...After sometime aupi also went home

U think ppl different then u or ur different. I will say. Noooo... At least 95% of that who we r is almost similar to others. I we got hurt we cry, if we r happy some time tears come out.. And the rest of the things r our memory, experience, our soul inside. And that point of view i'm different. we all r... i had my sear of the life for some things. Do i have to go that way again? I'm just thinking bout that. Don't have any plan actually.

The wind is awesome.. outside it is going wild.. I just want some little rain.. It takes only a little rain to make this city beautiful...

As the life goes.. I don't care..

Oky.. here we go.. not actually here i go...
i didn't update my journal for some time. Hmmm.. why? i donno. I just didn't find anything to write. But honestly to continue a journal u don't have to say anything. Just a hint of clue was more then enough to blah blah blah.. What happened?

Sometime in the late night i just thing "What the heck.. lets write something." but after some few minutes.. i think who cares for me. The ppl care for me (or may be i think they do) wont read this. So why i am writing this? For 3 years... after all these time i am saying this? I should be thinking better..

Oky here i go..Now I'll stop being a fuck face.. stop waining.. life is boring.. funny or any thing else.. I just don't care.. I have to live. So i have to except what is going on.. Things will be come round..

Crap crap crap.. bullshit..

Yesterday my sis lost her cell phone.. So i had to give away mine. and i was left with the old nokia 3300. Its like a ancient thing.. not a cell phone.. a THING... crap crap crap.. bullshit..

I'm sooo pissed... today the net connection was down and i called the ISP several times. and at last i went to sleep. Then the connection came back. and now i'm in the web.. Today was exhausting .. and i'm just tired.. Tomorrow i have a anatomy exam.. so gotta read..

crap crap crap.. bullshit..

Thank u to.. No one

"Thank U" (ALANIS MORISSETTE)

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence


(one of my all times favorate song.. i'm sooo depressed now..)

I'm losing It..

I'm losing It.. I'm losing the interest in blogging. Its like 5 years I'm doing this. And not its like talking to same thing that have no interest in mee..What the heck!!!

It happened before and i got all back. This is one of attack may be... I'm losing it..

But life still goes on
I cant get used to living without living without
Living without you by my side
I dont want to live alone hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby cant you see
Ive got to break free

Ive got to break free
I want to break free yeah

I want I want I want I want to break free....

Queen › I Want To Break Free


What is freedom? U don't have to ask any one.. Don't be afraid to do what u want.. Never have to think that someone is holding u behind.. It is freedom.. How is is like to break free...

Today class ended just before 2pm and i came out wondering how i'm gonna go home? It was raining.. I was with my friend but it was not working. So i went to the canteen. I had an ice cream. Then suddenly i thought why i have to wait. It's just raining. I tool a plastic bag from the canteen and put all my books, cell and watch in to it. and where i go. I came home walking in the rain. Who cares? What ever ppl think i don't have to know. I'm having fun thats all i know. But sorry for the lather shows....I came home..

I'm not saying just waking in the rain is the sign of freedom. It is the feeling.. U know what u can do in life and u do it anyway. And u are aware of the consequences. U accept what is ur fault and u move on. No strings attach. Life can be so simple just like Cristal clear water.If u want to make it complex it will be like that.

Got some exams next few days..Busy busy busy...

Wines

Long long ago i said some thing.. Some thing like..
"It's like a fine wine, Some relationship takes a long time to mature"

But if u just waited and waited for the time to come and u didn't know the show is over. And the what we have? It is interesting to say I know what we have. There is a subject in the community medicine called d "Behavioral Science" .They say this is the "Defense Mechanism". (Not the thing Mr. Bush has in mind.) It is just some thing ppl do to escape the reality that he is a looser. Compensating, Projecting, Escaping blah blah blah.. what ever u say it is nothing can change the fact.

I'm feeling a lill bit of lonely. Yesterday two of my friends Jishan and Rakib stayed with me. So It was. We went to shopping and came home last night. Then we went to the roof top and for an hour we were sitting in the rain. (Sounds GAY? heck it was fun).It was a Long Day and a Good Day i can say. But today what can i say. I just feeling terrible. Not any kinda health thing but i'm depressed.

Do i hear loneliness sickness. No u ppl know that i never get bored of my self :P I just feeling terrible for last 8 months. From those i was with Roll #43 for like 5 months. And What i have become. There is a self generating hate for that girl that i can't even say her name. What I've become. GOD.. help me..
Long long ago i said some thing.. Some thing like..
"Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,

But I'm still..."

Did i forgive her? YES i did. Can i forget her? YES i have to. Does time will heal me? YES i think.
Can i feel someone the way i felt for her? Can i love again? No, I'm not sure ryt now. It is not the time. I need to get mature. I have to.. Like some fine wine.

These are the thoughts. Some song to say what is going on?I love tis sone. Each and every word says my story..

Soundtrack: Meet The Robinsons
Title: Little Wonders (Rob Thomas)

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now...


(PS: Life is fool of turns and the wine will goes for thousand years. I think i wont be like that any more.. )

My nest within the brick red walls..

Its nearly 1 year i live, laugh, love, run around with a bag full of shitty books, mind full of memories, heart full of unspoken words.. within these brick red walls..

Last year 6th may i came to this place and in my mind i screamed out loud... What is this place?? But now i can say proudly "I'm a BKZMCan." The name is a lill big though and so our stories. The three storied building give me soo much in this past 1 year that all the riches and gold in the world u can not buy those..

I don't have much picture of college but i will post pretty soon much moor.. till then enjoy these...

3rd floor..


Vast galley of our hospital..


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This 6 ppl r the closest friend of mine.. And me behind the camera.. The 7 of us..



Lots and lots and lots of things.. I dont even remember..
All within these brick red wall..