Crap crap crap.. bullshit..

Yesterday my sis lost her cell phone.. So i had to give away mine. and i was left with the old nokia 3300. Its like a ancient thing.. not a cell phone.. a THING... crap crap crap.. bullshit..

I'm sooo pissed... today the net connection was down and i called the ISP several times. and at last i went to sleep. Then the connection came back. and now i'm in the web.. Today was exhausting .. and i'm just tired.. Tomorrow i have a anatomy exam.. so gotta read..

crap crap crap.. bullshit..

Thank u to.. No one

"Thank U" (ALANIS MORISSETTE)

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence


(one of my all times favorate song.. i'm sooo depressed now..)

I'm losing It..

I'm losing It.. I'm losing the interest in blogging. Its like 5 years I'm doing this. And not its like talking to same thing that have no interest in mee..What the heck!!!

It happened before and i got all back. This is one of attack may be... I'm losing it..

But life still goes on
I cant get used to living without living without
Living without you by my side
I dont want to live alone hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby cant you see
Ive got to break free

Ive got to break free
I want to break free yeah

I want I want I want I want to break free....

Queen › I Want To Break Free


What is freedom? U don't have to ask any one.. Don't be afraid to do what u want.. Never have to think that someone is holding u behind.. It is freedom.. How is is like to break free...

Today class ended just before 2pm and i came out wondering how i'm gonna go home? It was raining.. I was with my friend but it was not working. So i went to the canteen. I had an ice cream. Then suddenly i thought why i have to wait. It's just raining. I tool a plastic bag from the canteen and put all my books, cell and watch in to it. and where i go. I came home walking in the rain. Who cares? What ever ppl think i don't have to know. I'm having fun thats all i know. But sorry for the lather shows....I came home..

I'm not saying just waking in the rain is the sign of freedom. It is the feeling.. U know what u can do in life and u do it anyway. And u are aware of the consequences. U accept what is ur fault and u move on. No strings attach. Life can be so simple just like Cristal clear water.If u want to make it complex it will be like that.

Got some exams next few days..Busy busy busy...

Wines

Long long ago i said some thing.. Some thing like..
"It's like a fine wine, Some relationship takes a long time to mature"

But if u just waited and waited for the time to come and u didn't know the show is over. And the what we have? It is interesting to say I know what we have. There is a subject in the community medicine called d "Behavioral Science" .They say this is the "Defense Mechanism". (Not the thing Mr. Bush has in mind.) It is just some thing ppl do to escape the reality that he is a looser. Compensating, Projecting, Escaping blah blah blah.. what ever u say it is nothing can change the fact.

I'm feeling a lill bit of lonely. Yesterday two of my friends Jishan and Rakib stayed with me. So It was. We went to shopping and came home last night. Then we went to the roof top and for an hour we were sitting in the rain. (Sounds GAY? heck it was fun).It was a Long Day and a Good Day i can say. But today what can i say. I just feeling terrible. Not any kinda health thing but i'm depressed.

Do i hear loneliness sickness. No u ppl know that i never get bored of my self :P I just feeling terrible for last 8 months. From those i was with Roll #43 for like 5 months. And What i have become. There is a self generating hate for that girl that i can't even say her name. What I've become. GOD.. help me..
Long long ago i said some thing.. Some thing like..
"Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,

But I'm still..."

Did i forgive her? YES i did. Can i forget her? YES i have to. Does time will heal me? YES i think.
Can i feel someone the way i felt for her? Can i love again? No, I'm not sure ryt now. It is not the time. I need to get mature. I have to.. Like some fine wine.

These are the thoughts. Some song to say what is going on?I love tis sone. Each and every word says my story..

Soundtrack: Meet The Robinsons
Title: Little Wonders (Rob Thomas)

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now...


(PS: Life is fool of turns and the wine will goes for thousand years. I think i wont be like that any more.. )